As you know, I’ve spent the past 2 weeks on a blogging break. I’ve been using this time to catch up on some back logged work (you’ll see a giveaway that I posted as well as a couple of sponsored posts that I needed to publish). I rocked the socks off my midterm exam by scoring a 98%! Booyah! And I have spent the time doing a serious evaluation of my life.
Recently, I have felt like I was having a midlife crisis. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do with my life and I wasn’t sure if my current choice of grad school was the right choice. I’ve struggled with my decision to be a teacher since I was a teacher. There are aspects of the job that I was not successful at. These aren’t easy to describe to someone unless they are a teacher themselves.
I was great with the kids and I have a true passion for helping others. I really love working with the toughest of kids whether they have severe behaviors or multiple disabilities. When I was substitute teaching last school year, I was very happy. I loved being back in the schools and often wished I could be there full time. But the lesson plans, documentation, long term planning and follow-thru on projects were things that slipped by me. I frequently struggled to stay on task with my lesson plans and was easily distracted.
I was also not on medication for my ADHD the last time I was teaching.
This realization hit me last week while I was in class.
There I was sitting in “Diverse Approaches to Educational Research on Teaching and Learning,” discussing “non-experimental quantitative research studies” when it occurred to me:
I am scared!
I am scared of failing again (and in my head I feel like I failed at most parts of teaching).
I’m scared of going back into the classroom and not being able to function to the level that I need to function.
I’m scared of allowing my ADHD to continue to rule my life.
After I made this realization, I was able to start brainstorming ways to get through this fear (notice I’m still not following the discussion about non-experimental quantitative research studies). I’m starting with an appointment with my advisor. I want to make sure I stay on the path to graduate in May of next year, although I’m worried that I won’t be able to until December of 2013. I also want to pick her brain to see if there are any tips she might have for what I can do to prepare for another job.
My line of thinking is that when I am hired for a new teaching job, I will need to hire an educational consultant or an ADHD coach to help me be successful.
With this new revelation I find myself less stressed, at peace even. For the first time in nearly a year I’m feeling like my graduate program is the right one for me and the correct path for me to be taking. I still want to keep blogging and freelance writing. My goals are still the same, to grow this blog into an eventual book and speaking engagements. I want to develop a financial literacy program to use with high school students and I think my educational background would really help.
For now, I stay the course. I am going to schedule classes for the short 7 week semester this summer and then the fall semester. I’m also going to FINALLY get my substitute applications in to the districts in the area so I can do some subbing in the fall.
And I’m back to blogging! Hoping to keep my posts to about 3 a week but you know me, right? I tend not to stick to any sort of posting schedule for very long (ADHD is a bitch, yo!).
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.”
— Jessica (@Debt_Princess)
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.Disclosure: You should assume that I am an affiliate for providers of goods and services mentioned on this website. I may be compensated when you purchase after clicking on a link. I may also have received the product for free. Perform due diligence before purchasing from this or any other website.
Yay, you’re back! We definitely missed you around here, but we knew you couldn’t stay away too long. We know you love it too much! It’s okay to be scared, we all get that way. But I think it’s a good thing. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said “Do something everyday that scares you”. This is how you know you’re growing. Keep it up Jess!
Carrie Smith recently posted..Top 10 Ways to Save Money on Practically Anything
Thanks Carrie! I knew I couldn’t really quit, just saying it that one time didn’t feel right. I love blogging and writing.
I’m going to work hard for the next couple of weeks and then I have another break planned. That one will be super fun!
Jessica The DebtPrincess(Quote)
Don’t worry if you need to hire a coach. Teachers make good money and you should be able to justify the expense. Congrats on your exam!
John @ Married (with Debt) recently posted..The Goal of Work is Retirement: Rule 10
John @ Married (with Debt)(Quote)
on May 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Embracing the scared is what gets me through sometimes. I feel like if I can confront what I’m scared of then I can work on conquering it.
I’m glad that you’re deciding to stay on track with teaching! I think it’s going to work out really well for you.
Jana @ Daily Money Shot recently posted..The biggest financial mistake I’ve ever made
Jana @ Daily Money Shot(Quote)