“What Not to Do” is a series of posts aimed at teaching others through my mistakes. They can be used to teach young adults the perils of debt. Pave a financially secure path for your loved ones.
What a completely crummy week I’m having. I have spent so much time focusing on paying off debt that I’ve lost sight of some very important parts of life. And I’ve learned a big lesson:
Do Not Take Things (or People) for Granted.
Seems to me I should have learned this lesson years ago. I’m 36 years old, supposedly an adult. I’ve had a great career, was married, had kids, owned my own home, everything an adult should do. Yet here I sit, alone, broke and feeling very hopeless.
This week I have made a mess of my checking account. I overdrew it weeks ago because I hadn’t been keeping track of my spending. I took for granted that I knew what was in there and what was coming out. In the end, I did not and overdrew my account. I THOUGHT I had fixed that, had my account at just a negative $12. But I took for granted the fact that I had contacted all of my creditors rather than making a list. Here I sit, once again at a negative in my checking account. A whopping $ -208.00!!! I can’t really recover from that right now.
And I’m a mess!!!
I also took for granted that certain friendships would always be there. I thought that some were solid enough to withstand all my issues, the emotional roller coaster that I live on daily. I was wrong and I regret that more than anything. Some friendships are hard work, especially ones that are one sided. I vented over and over again to a friend, taking for granted that he would always be there to listen to me. I realize now that I should have been a better listener to him.
While I can’t apologize for all of my feelings and I don’t want to. I can apologize for being a bad friend for so long. I’ve been needy. I’ve been selfish. I’ve been jealous of others. And I’ve failed at my friendships.
The thing about this situation is that so much is going poorly (my finances, my job hunt, my relationship with my mother, my custody fight) that when something positive happens I tend to hyper-focus on it. I think it became a bad situation for me and in the end has left me feeling very hollow.
Years ago, I took for granted a relationship with my mother. I always assumed that a parent would be there for their child no matter what. As if just giving birth makes them automatically cherish and love their child. In the end, I have learned that some people just aren’t meant to be parents. Some people do not have it in them to parent the way their child needs.
I’ve learned this week that I’m very needy. I need certain levels of attention. We all do but maybe I feel that I need more than I’m getting. Or maybe I’m just really lonely. I’m not sure but I do know that I need more than I’m receiving right now. And I have taken for granted the people in my life.
To those people, I am so very sorry. I should have done a better job at being your friend, your sister, your daughter. I will try to be what you and I both need.
I also blog at A Five Star Life. I write about anything that comes to mind but try to focus on finding the good in daily life.
Alana, come on now, I’m ADHD. I couldn’t remain focused on that log of a poem. I’m more of a “1 Fish, 2 Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish” kinda girl. All I saw was the word “god” and I just shook my head. lol
Back to read it again.
Jess, we all fall into this trap at times. I’m not one of the people you’ve hurt but from the outside looking in this last year or so have been a hugely introspective journey for you. It takes guts to face your flaws, and once you see them all you can do is apologize and try to work on them. You’re taking big steps every day.
Thank you Tiffany (BTW LOVED your response to “My Son is Gay” Love those princess-dressing-pegasus-loving boys of yours! I like your point about my journey. I have learned a TON about myself. So much. I hope I never ever forget these lessons. I also hope by showing others what debt can do to someone, it helps others avoid this trap. It’s amazing how deep the stress of being in debt goes. THank you.