Save Me from My Existential Identity Crisis

April 11, 2012


About 7 months ago, I started a program in Inclusive Education at The Ohio State University. Inclusive Education is the practice of teaching a mixed ability classroom (having special needs and regular education students in the same classroom).

I chose this program because it went well with my Bachelor’s degree in Special Education. I needed to take some classes in order to get my certificate renewed to teach in the State of Ohio. The only problem is that I left teaching in 2003 and have not had any desire to return.

I began the program for a number of reasons, the least of which was my desire to move out of my mom’s home and into an apartment of my own. I chose to borrow money in order to do this, even though I knew it wasn’t the smartest financial decision. I have not regretted my decision once.

The problem now is that I still really don’t want to return to the classroom. I know that if I did teach again, I would not be able to put forth the effort that it deserves. I recognize my weaknesses in the areas of teaching (mostly in the paperwork, I’m a damn good teacher). And I worry about my own abilities to be an effective interventionist.

What I currently yearn to do is continue writing on a regular basis and hopefully, become good enough at it to do it full time while also working in the area of financial literacy. I would like to do talks in area high schools, youth groups, scouting organizations and help jump start their financial education before they are out on their own, learning by mistakes (like I did).

I’m at a crossroads right now.

I do not know how to proceed. Should I stay the course and complete this degree even knowing that I really won’t go into the classroom (I could possibly teach at the junior or community college level and that is more interesting to me than regular schools).

Or do I change my focus and work for a degree in communications? I looked, briefly at my school’s website and it looks like I won’t be able to earn a masters degree in communication but I may be able to work towards a second undergraduate degree. I could possibly take a few classes in addition to my education classes.

I do not know what I want to be when I grow up!

The other option is to quit school completely and find myself a full time job and just work. It doesn’t have to be in anything I want to do, just something that brings in paycheck while I try to “find myself.”

So I ask you, dear readers, what should I do with my life? The way I see it, I have until the first of June to figure this out (the summer session of classes begins then). Do you have any advice for me?

While you are here, I posted a giveaway for the book Food Fights that I recently read. Please check it out.

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19 Responses to Save Me from My Existential Identity Crisis

  1. This Aggie Saves on April 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    No advice here, just letting you know I know what you’re going through. It’s hard. You’ll figure it out.

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  2. John @ Married (with Debt) on April 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    That’s a tough one. I usually never advocate doing something just to do it. Maybe continue on and use it as a motivator to become wildly successful at writing.
    John @ Married (with Debt) recently posted..Early Retirement Extreme

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 9:58 pm

      Continue on with what I’m doing? School and freelance writing?

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  3. Cindy Brick on April 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Why are you so against teaching, if you say you’re a darn good one…and imply that you enjoy that part of it? I understand the paperwork issue (with few exceptions, we all dislike it), but am not sure what you mean about being an “interventionist,” unless you’re saying that you hate disciplining kids. You’re right — that part isn’t fun, and I would guess that you had to do it more than usual with special ed kids. (I’ve substituted in Special Ed classrooms, and Husband drove a ‘SPED’ route for years. We understand.)
    Is living in your mom’s home really helping you…or her? Are you paying her rent? Wouldn’t you rather be truly independent?
    How much more time would you have to complete the degree? (That’s a big one, in my mind.) Do you really really REALLY hate teaching, or just dislike the parts you’ve mentioned?
    Personally, I would clean toilets, do ANYTHING, rather than rely on my parent supporting me. And teaching, with its great amounts of time off (something you won’t find in many jobs), is amenable to your desire to continue to write. You know as well as I do that writing professionally just doesn’t bring in that much $$, unless you’re well established and/or Stephen King.
    So practically speaking, it might be a good idea to finish the degree (especially if you only have a few months left) and get a teaching job, with the idea of expanding your repertoire to include speaking, and refining your writing skills. The teaching credentials will give you some recognition for the speaking opportunities. They’ll also be evidence on your resume that you’re disciplined and finish things.
    You do NOT have to teach for the rest of your life. But it might nudge open the doors you’re trying to get through. Good luck…

    Latest post: http://cindybrick.blogspot.com/2012/04/stars-all-around-giveaway.html

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 10:05 pm

      Cindy, I want to thank you for your reply. I am good when I’m working with the kids. When I say that I am a damn good teacher. I mean the actual moments when I’m working with the kids. I work really well with them. But I do not complete my lesson plans on time, I am also really bad at making long term plans and sticking to them. For example making a unit plan on space and actually teaching it all the way through. That is bad, real bad. I think that right now, my getting a teaching job would be bad for both the kids who I am responsible for, I wouldn’t be giving them everything they deserve and for me and my kiddos.

      I do not live with my mom anymore. I moved out in September. Going to school via school loans was the way that I was able to do that, I couldn’t have moved out if it weren’t for school.

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  4. Andi @ MealPlanRescue.com
    Twitter:
    on April 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    I’m sorry I wish I could be more help. Unfortunately I’ve been at the same crossroads. I hit the point where I actually know what I want to do, but making it happen is going to be difficult. With the current responsibilities I have, breaking free to fulfill my passion, and making money at it, is going to be a giant pain in the hind.
    Andi @ MealPlanRescue.com recently posted..Quick Potsticker Sauce

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 10:07 pm

      Making it happen is the problem here too. I really do want to travel around the area and do talks about financial literacy.

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      • Andi
        Twitter:
        on April 19, 2012 at 12:34 am

        We’ll just have to keep good thoughts for each other so hopefully we can exchange some good karma. :)
        Andi recently posted..Homemade Whole Wheat Croutons

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  5. Michelle
    Twitter:
    on April 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I honestly hate how you have to choose what you want to do with the rest of your life BEFORE you start the education process. I mean, what if you start going to school for one thing…and realize it’s not for you? I know lots of people who’ve had this happen to them! I don’t have any advice…just more fuel for your dismay ;)

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 10:09 pm

      RIGHT? I totally agree with you Michelle. I spent an extra year in undergrad because I had a few majors before I chose education. I did love doing it but I just hated failing in so many aspects of it.

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  6. Sharing Sunday: Storms Are Brewing | on April 15, 2012 at 8:44 pm
  7. Amanda L Grossman on April 16, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    It is always good to have something to fall back on.

    Is there the chance that you could get a student teacher and that person could share in your paperwork load? Maybe that would make your job more enjoyable while you build up the freelance work.

    Whatever you choose, good luck with everything.
    Amanda L Grossman recently posted..Sifting Through Energy Company Offers in a World of Deregulation: Part 1

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      It doesn’t really work like that with student teachers. You have to be at a certain level as a teacher (ie. 15 yrs of experiences or something like that). I have always had an aid to help out with some stuff but I still struggled.

      It’s really hard to explain how it worked for me.

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  8. Melissa@PersonalFinanceJourney on April 16, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    I am a former teacher, and I have no desire to go back to the classroom. If it was me, I would probably stop the education, get a job, and write on the side. But, of course, it is not me. You have to do what is best for you, but you have gotten some good advice in the comments.
    Melissa@PersonalFinanceJourney recently posted..

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 10:13 pm

      This is the direction that I am leaning Melissa. But the key is now to find the full time job, not exactly a piece of cake in this economy. I could sub in the fall, that’s an option.

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  9. Boring Voice of Reason on April 16, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    I know you enjoy writing, and it’s clear you have a talent for it, but as someone who earned a degree in journalism and then attempted to make a career out as a “writer,” I must tell you it is very, very, VERY difficult to make a living by writing. You have to be skilled in it, but you also must be very fortunate and be willing to start at the bottom and stay there for a while. I was a sportswriter for two Major League Baseball teams, and never made enough to move out of my parents’ house. Then I was hired as a staff writer for a local newspaper, and made slightly more, but still not nearly enough to support myself. After nearly a decade, I had to move on to greener pastures (although I still freelance–and write about what *I* want to). It’s awesome to have dreams, but I would not consider making a career with your writing a serious ambition at this point. Oh, and guess what I ended up doing for a living? I’m an ENGLISH TEACHER now.

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    • Jessica The DebtPrincess on April 16, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      lol I’m tempted to say “I’m sorry” but that doesn’t seem quite right. I do not have high expectations for writing. I don’t expect to write a best seller but I’d like to be able to pay the bills. I’m about 1/3 of the way there which is why I still need student loans.

      Maybe I’d do a better job if I taught a different area of education. Maybe special ed isn’t the right place for me even if I do thoroughly enjoy it.

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  10. Cindy Brick on April 18, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I’ve been thinking about my response (which was pretty darn bossy, considering I’m a total stranger to you). Thanks for taking it so graciously. I apologize for trying to make order of your life — you’re right, that’s your job!
    I’ve read your responses to the comments — and it truly doesn’t sound like you want education to be even a temporary standby while you work toward your major goal of traveling and writing. (Good for you, by the way, for moving out of your mom’s place in Sept.!) I know more about this than I’d revealed before — I am one class and student teaching short of having my own teaching certificate. But I went in another direction, graduated and got my M.A. in English. That was enough for me to substitute teach at times. (Which helped family finances.) And I took an assistant’s job at Boulder, CO’s newspaper. (The degree and typing skills did it, I think.)
    THAT toe in the door — and showing samples to editors on the paper — got me writing jobs. Those writing jobs, in turn, got me a spot on the editorial staff of a magazine. And that, in turn, got me the writing and speaking gigs I get now, working for myself.
    So you see, I am a firm believer in steps building on steps. If you’re just a few months away from graduating, you’ll have that degree and be able to say it on your resume. (A toe in the door!) If you’ve got a year or more, that’s another story, and you may well want to see if those credits will be useful for another major.
    Or set it aside for now, write as much as you can — send queries to other blogs and editorial stuff to build up your resume. Take the best-paying job you can while you’re doing that…even if it’s working at Burger King or scrubbing toilets. That pays the bills, and lets you save a bit for traveling. W rite in your off-hours.
    It won’t be easy. Making progress never is. It will not magically happen. It will take time. But it’s worth it. Good luck to you.

    Latest post:
    http://cindybrick.blogspot.com/2012/04/new-giveaway-your-money-missing-manual.html

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