As I’ve mentioned in the past, I have Severe ADHD as well as Bipolar disorder. I have had to be off my medication for four months now due to lack of insurance.
The cost of the healthcare we have in this country is disgusting. I can’t afford hundreds of dollars a month in coverage. You also don’t quality for medicaid in the state of Ohio unless you have children for at least 51% of the time (my ex and I are doing joint custody).
I don’t want much. Just to accomplish something productive each day and not want to curl up in a ball and cry from time to time. I just want to feel as great as I felt when I was on my medication this past fall and winter. I felt great mentally.
I’m doing everything I can. I’m eating super well (HELLO, I’m a gluten free vegan. Can’t eat much better than that!). I’ve started working out and I’ve lost 25 pounds. However, that’s not enough when you have a mental illness. I’ve wound up in a cycle, the illness has crippled me so much that I can’t get much work done, which includes fighting for help. But I can’t pay for my own insurance because I can’t get it together enough to work.
I’ve been fighting to get covered through state funded insurance. It’s been difficult to get the same answer from two different people and to understand how the regulations work one way for one person but another way for me. I FINALLY found someone who could help me out last week and she provided a suggestion that just might work out. But I have to wait for the paper trail to reach the proper entities and hopefully within a week, I’ll have some insurance. (Then I’ll get to start the absolutely fun process of finding a doctor who accepts Medicaid and is actually taking new patients. This doesn’t happen very often. It will probably be easier for me to drive the 2 hour trip back home to see the doctor I was seeing before I moved in September.)
Due to my mental struggles, I have let my classes slip. I’m behind on my reading and I have an exam coming up this week that I’m not prepared for. I have also failed to due most of my freelance writing for this month and I’m just sick over it. Not writing means no pay checks. That is not good for me at all. (This is where the cycle starts to take control of both my mental and physical state.)
The point of this entire post is to say that blogging is going to have to take a back burner. I have never been one to post daily. This just isn’t the type of blog that I feel needs to be updated daily. The posts start to become forced and lose their authenticity (I’ve seen it with so many other blogs.). So you probably won’t really notice my lack of blog posts.
I’m also going to stay clear of Twitter and Facebook for a bit. I really need to pull it together and focus on the jobs that are the most important.
This break may only last a couple of days, or it may last a few weeks but whatever it is, I have to rally here and home and pull it together. If I don’t do it now, I know that the disease that festers inside of my brain will win and I just can’t let that happen.
I also blog at A Five Star Life. I write about anything that comes to mind but try to focus on finding the good in daily life.
I feel for you. I took myself off my anti-depression meds for a few months and it was a nightmare. And I too, was doing everything “right”: eating well, exercising, in therapy. There are some things that only medication can help. The state of health care and insurance companies in this country to pathetic. Hang in there!
Pulling for you Jessica. Depression is tough.. and can make it very difficult to function without the proper “vitamins” for the brain. Keep fighting.
Good luck – we’ll miss you!
John @ Married (with Debt)(Quote)
You’ve come so far, I know you can make it through this time as well.
You started me thinking this morning and I ended up posting about emotional health and finances today.
I wish you the best on your break. I think you are doing the right thing. Take care of you first and it will all be here when you get back.
While I don’t have ADHD, I do struggle with depression. Thank you for this beautiful, honest post. I wish you didn’t have to write it in the first place, though. Positive thoughts and prayers are headed your way! Take care of you!
Take care, I know what you’re going through and it’s tough!
This Aggie Saves(Quote)
Good luck, Jessica! We’re thinking about you here.
Holy hell! You poor thing. My heart goes out to you!